Now that the Golden State Warriors are one of the best NBA teams ever, I’m interested in basketball. It’s like having the 90s Bulls around again. I love watching Steph Curry. He’s like one of the Globetrotters making everyone else look like a bumbling ass.

Even though I enjoy watching basketball, both college and pro, I freaking hate playing it. Of all the sports no one looks, or acts more douchey than someone playing basketball. For some reason, everybody that plays basketball thinks they’re great at basketball.

Most guys are total shit at basketball, yet don’t have any problem telling me not to take a shot, or to pass as soon as I get the ball. At my gym, you see all these frumpy middle age guys playing, thinking they’re pretty bad ass, and yet, like a pussy, they call every foul instead of just playing.

It’s like playing intramural sports back in college. There were all these guys who overcompensated for being cut from varsity sports back in high school who thought they knew what they were doing. Those guys have never moved on. Now, you’ll find them screaming up and down the sidelines or court side coaching your kids.

What I learned this week November 14, 2015

Evidently, it doesn’t take much to be an exec at Taco Bell, but they do have some standards.

Jeb Bush said, given the chance, he would kill baby Hitler. He just needs to make sure Ben Carson hasn’t already done it.

Crayola will ensure the drapes match the carpet with their line of adults coloring books.

Jerry Jones is more than happy to get into a long-term relationship with Greg Hardy despite the risks of getting smacked around.

The porn industry shows just how easy it is to get right wingers on their side, by saying something is a “threat to jobs.”


’69 Mustang Mach 1

I have been pinning over this 1969 Boss Mustang that a nearby neighbor of mine owns. He rarely gets it out. So the other day, he was cleaning his garage and I had to stop by and talk to him about it.

This style of Mustang is one of my top 10 favorite cars of all time.

That WSJ trademark wit

It looks like this month’s edition of the Wall Street Journal Magazine is all about played out concepts no one gives a shit about anymore. How else do you explain a cover featuring Angelina Jolie with the word “Innovators”. It’s not there to sell issues, because this is a freebie that comes with the paper.


“Innovators” is such an overplayed word that’s lost any useful meaning. It’s like the word “fascinating”. Instead of meaning extremely interesting, it’s used to describe someone who is trying really hard to be famous.

Kind of writes itself

I saw this in a Peet’s coffeeshop restroom in the city the other day. The title of the book is “If Women Ruled the World”. I found it ironic on a couple levels, and had these thoughts if women did in fact rule the world:

  1. The toilet seat wouldn’t have been left up.
  2. There wouldn’t be a book in the bathroom, because women don’t read on the toilet.

I’m not sure it was left behind to make a statement. There was a bookstore down the street having one of those sidewalk sales. The kind where they leave a table of books out in public with a drastically reduced price. It’s like they don’t even care if they get stolen. I’ve bought my share of books from those tables, and have never finished any. They’re usually stinkers. My theory is this may have been one of those books.

And yes, I did take a photo in a public toilet. I’m sure the person waiting outside heard the echoing “click” of my camera too and wondered what in the hell I was doing.

What I learned this week November 7, 2015

You can’t spell Chipotle without e coli.

They shouldn’t be blowing up the old Bay Bridge before they’re sure the new one isn’t going to fall down.

Maybe the US should look into sending Iran asterisks, or introducing them to the footnote so we know what they really mean.

John Boehner wasn’t the only former Speaker of the House who left a stench.

Ben Carson demonstrates that Egyptology, and agriculture for that matter, ain’t brain surgery.

Almond Joy

Of all the alternatives to dairy I see, the one that makes the least sense to me is almond milk. People complain that almond crops use a ridiculous amount of water. Have you seen an almond? It’s a dry little nut. How in the hell do they get any liquid out of it?

Almonds are one of the most water-intense crops grown in California. Seeing as we’re in a drought, it’s easy to understand why people are so critical of it. They’re kind of bland. In order to make them good you need to smother them in turd of coconut and cover them in dark chocolate. As far as a nut goes, they’re nothing special. They are way better nuts out there. If there were a list, I’m not sure they’d crack the top 10. Then one day, someone came up with almond milk. That has got to be the biggest bullshit food product I’ve ever seen. There’s no way you could extract that much liquid from a dry little nut.

Almond milk is like the fracking of food.

What I’ve learned this week October 31, 2015

You shouldn’t let townies become cops in the place they grew up.

Jeb! the most likable Bush is is unelectable for the GOP.

Smoking meat is almost as bad for you as smoking tobacco.

Shigella isn’t the latest Latin pop star, but it will move your booty.

Turns out getting cryogenically frozen, won’t bring you back to life later, if it kills you now.

BLT – Bacon Lettuce and Tumor

By now, many of us have heard the news that the World Health Organization said something about bacon and cancer. I’m not all that concerned about this news because, well, I never thought bacon was healthy for you in the first place. Cancer, clogged arteries, morbid obesity, take your pick, eat enough of this stuff and something will kill you.

Personally, I don’t think the WHO discovered anything. I think they’re like me and just sick and tired of all the stupid jokes, references, and bacon-flavored this that and the other thing.

Like a normal person, I’ll continue to eat it in moderation and tell no one.


The great California drought is in it’s 4th year, and if you’re to believe the experts, we’re down to our last drops of water. I’m inclined to believe them because we haven’t seen any significant rain in ages. So if that’s the case, I don’t get why anyone would be wasting any water on their lawn.

You don’t have to tell me twice to let the lawn go. I’m not one of those crazy doofuses who live for golf course-like turf in the front yard. Guys that obsess over their yard are just a shell of a man.

Wasting what little water is left on grass is like letting your wife use the last beer in the house for cooking.